One Barret to rule them all, One Barret to find them. One Barret to pwn them all, and to n00bness bind them, - besserwisser
Prologue
-
Once upon a time there was a server called DNA games, and within this server played a player called Lord n00bey. He forged the barrets of pwning, of wich 3 he gave to the veterans, the most skilled and pwningful, 6 he gave to the common players, who were decent in basically everything they did (thanks to 1.2), and 9 he gave to the n00bs, who would most undoubtably use them. But within secrecy Lord n00bey forged yet another barret, yes, the One Barret, which he could use to rule the rest of the barreters. They became barretards, the lamest of all players on DNA games.
Soon the corruption of the Barret spreaded all over the server, and good players were forced to retreat. But it was not long when resistance was organized, and the final battle was sought on the slopes of mount n00b, the core of Lord n00bey's power. The battle was desperate, but when it seemed that all hope was lost, Michal, son of God used speedhack to rip the barret of Lord n00bey's hands. Michal took the Barret and shot it through Lord n00beys heart. It was that very moment when God spoke to Michal - Michal, destroy the barret!, he said. - No..., said Michal back to God - This shall be a fine weapon to add to Soldat 1.0.5b!, he said to God. - Michal, destroy it!!!, shouted God at michal's face, but michal didn't listen. Instead he ran off the battlefield, and kept the Barret with him.
But the Barret has a will of it's own, and more than anything it wants to go back to his master. One day Michal was ambushed by a band of n00bs on a slope, and sadly enough they slaughtered michal, and the Barret was then forever lost. But some things should ahve not been forgotten...
History became legend, legend became myth, until one day the Barret was found again by a most unlikely person, Gayllum. He took the Barret deep into the mazes of the cheater mountain, where it letted the Barret poison his mind. - My precious... whispered Gayllum to the Barret. But one day a newb happened to be lost in the mountain, and said - What's this, a rifle?, and felt the Barret with his hands - Noo! My precious is gone!, moaned Gayllum. Quikly the newb left the mountain, with the Barret of course.
The long expected tournament
-
- Waah! Die!, shouted Dildo n00bings (the newb) holding a AK-47 to another newbs forehead. BANG! Dildo's gun did a hole to the other n00b's head. - What, i won? Damn i'm good!, said Dildo excited.
- The speech, Dildo!, shouted everyone. - Oh yes, of couse, erm, well, i'd like to thank you all for participating on this tournament, he started - Aaaand, this is the time to say goodbye as well, he stopped. Everyone looked a bit amazed. - Yes, this is my goodbye, bye, he said and disappeared (with the Barret, of course (i meant he used the Barret to disappear), ok?). Now everyone were VERY amazed.
Dildo went back home, humming excitedly. - Haha, what a trick i did at those [:-censored]s, he said to himself. - Dildo n00bings i presume, said a tall voice behind him. - G-g-gaydalf!, Dildo looked at him amazedly. - Yes, it's me, said Gaydalf. - W-would you like some tea, old friend?, Dildo said nervously. - No thank you, I came to talk about the Barret, you are going to leave it here, are you?, said Gaydalf. - Y-yes, of course!, Dildo replied,- Good, leave it to this envelope, said Gaydalf to Dildo. - W-wait, on the second thought no! It's mine besides, and you can't take it from me!...precious, my precious..., Didlo charished the Barret - Precious? There is one other that has called it that before, said Gaydalf. - Well anyway it's mine so fuk off!, Shouted Dildo angry. Suddenly Gaydalf seemed more gay than Dildo had ever seen him be - Dildo n00bings, do not take me as a user of cheap cheats, i'm not here to pwn you, i'm here to help you., Said Gaydalf. - Duh, you're right, i'm gonna go on a vacation, leave DNA games, you know, said Dildo more calmly to Gaydalf - Then it is all settled, Gaydalf said more appreciatively - Yes, well, i've packed my stuff so i'm kind of ready now,..goodbye Gaydalf, said Dildo n00bings, sobbing a bit - Dildo, the Barret is still on your back! - Ohh, yes well, um, i'll leave...it...here...unngh!, said Dildo, fighting the power of the Barret within himself. Gradyally he was able to let go, and the Barret fell to the floor - It takes alot from anyone to fight the power of this Barret, surprisingly you have managed all these years without giving in to it, said Gaydalf looking at Dildo - Well, yes...I should be leaving now, said Dildo. He opened the front door and stepped out of the gate to journey to Styxdell, the sanctuary of where DNA.styx and his veteran players dwelled. - I should tell Faggot about his father when he gets home from the tounament, said Gaydalf to himself.
The journey begins
-
- So Dildo really did it, left, i mean, said Faggot n00bing tears in his eyes - Yes, just yesterday he said that to me, you now own the house Faggot btw, said Gaydalf - Oh nice, r0xx0rz! Now I can have my house parties whenever I want!, Faggot M79 jumped around the room.
CRITICAL TURN IN THE STROY - cant sue me tolkien, suck my a$$!
- Oww, sorry i blowed your guts out, Gaydalf, want me to rub your dic.k? - No thanks...I dont have one anymore!, groaned Gaydalf - Well too bad huh, now you're gonna have to live your whole life in selibacy! [/sarcasm](tm), and Faggot (again) M79 jumped around the room. - Faggot, about the *groan*,..Barret Dildo gave you, there's something in it that interests me..., said Gaydalf. - Oh that, I used it to snipe cats just 2 AM this morning, does it bother you?, asked Faggot from Gaydalf - OMG you used it?!?, Gaydalf was shocked - Yeah, it was cool..., Faggot said - Well,...I have my doubts about that Barret,..Faggot, throw it in the fire!, Commanded Gaydalf Faggot - O.o, okay..., said Faggot and tried to stick the Barret into the fireplace - It wont fit!, Faggot said frustrated - JUST STFU AND PUT IT IN THE FIRE!, shouted Gaydalf at Faggot's face. After a deries of attempts to fot the barret into the fireplace, Faggot finally succeeds.
- What do you see Faggot?, asked Gaydalf - Nothing, it's just a Barret, said Faggot - Wait,..I see, some kind of,..writing? nah they're just cheats for 105b, but now i see something,..it's nomekind of n00bish, I cant read it, said Faggot - Let me see it, said Gaydalf - But the Barret is burning hot!, said Faggot - Dont be afraid, it's quite cool you know?, said Gaydalf - Here it goes, said Faggot reaching for the Barret, sticking his hand to the flames - Oww, it's HOT you idiot!, cried Faggot - who the fuk cares, just take it!, said Gaydalf to Faggot - OK, here it goes again, said Faggot and grabbed the Barret, pulling it out of the fire - Here, said Faggot and gave the gun to Gaydalf - Th-this is the tongue of n00bdor and i will not speak it here, but in english it goes like this; One Barret to rule them all, One Barret to find them. One Barret to pwn them all, and to n00bness binp them, which is a part of an old Soldat poem, but i cant remember it right now (I got lazy, lol), said Gaydalf to Faggot - Faggot, this is the One Barret, forged by the dark Lord n00bey in the dephts of mount n00b, said Gaydalf to Faggot in a serious tone - But what should we do?, asked Faggot - We must take the Barret to Styxdell, where the veterans shall decide what to do - OK, So i'm gonna have to go to Styxdell all by myself...Gaydalf, did you hear something, said Faggot to Gaydalf - Hear what, you blew my left ear off you know, said Gaydalf - No, there, under the window, said Faggot grabbing Gaydalfs staff - Come out whatever you are!, Shouted Faggot and grabbed someone under the window, and laid the inrtruder on the table - What? You, Someways Gayithink?, said Faggot surprised - Please Mr. Faggot dont turn me into a pink dildo please i was just cutting your grass under the window!, Someways shivered. - No, you shall be his companion on a very dangerous journey to the east, said Gaydalf from the floor - But...OK, fine with me!, said Someways.
A few minutes later
- You must travel to, God, I dun remember that name, anyway I shall await you there, said Gaydalf to Faggot and Someways. - Then we leave tonight, said Faggot - Yes, that would be advisable, agreed Gaydalf...
And so the hours passed, Gaydalf had gone ahead to Styxdell, and so did the time come for Faggot and Someways to go to the place Gaydalf didn't remember, where Gaydalf said he would wait for them.
- Say Faggot, how 'bout we'd entertain each other on the way?, asked Someways from Faggot - Fine, would you start?, asked Faggot - Ummkay, let's see...*ahem*, Oh oh oh oh I love you, I love you..., Someways began to sing - Or wait! Hey, listen to this, my daddy taught it to me a long time ago, it goes something like this; Whyyy am, I Gay (Y.M.I.G) ... , Someways began singing. - It's a song by the Newb People, you know?, said Someways to Faggot.
The morning came, and Faggot and Someways crossed a minefield. - BOOM!, they heard a loud explosion from the left. - DUCK SOMEWAYS!, Faggot sreamed - Whaat, my ears are still ringing!, shouted Someways. It was still for a moment ... It was still for an0ther moment, until - DIE! TASTE MY SOCOM YOU GAYFUKERS!, a voice shouted from behind Faggot and Someways. - Stalin and Lenin, WTF are they doing here?, said Someways to Faggot. Both looked up and saw a sign; ctf_kampf - DO NOT DISTURB!!! - Oh, it's CTF, no wonder, said Faggot to himself. - He's got the flag, get him!, Shouted a newb in a blue shirt.
(I sall torure you with my most gay LOTB series in the future too!)
Prologue
-
Once upon a time there was a server called DNA games, and within this server played a player called Lord n00bey. He forged the barrets of pwning, of wich 3 he gave to the veterans, the most skilled and pwningful, 6 he gave to the common players, who were decent in basically everything they did (thanks to 1.2), and 9 he gave to the n00bs, who would most undoubtably use them. But within secrecy Lord n00bey forged yet another barret, yes, the One Barret, which he could use to rule the rest of the barreters. They became barretards, the lamest of all players on DNA games.
Soon the corruption of the Barret spreaded all over the server, and good players were forced to retreat. But it was not long when resistance was organized, and the final battle was sought on the slopes of mount n00b, the core of Lord n00bey's power. The battle was desperate, but when it seemed that all hope was lost, Michal, son of God used speedhack to rip the barret of Lord n00bey's hands. Michal took the Barret and shot it through Lord n00beys heart. It was that very moment when God spoke to Michal - Michal, destroy the barret!, he said. - No..., said Michal back to God - This shall be a fine weapon to add to Soldat 1.0.5b!, he said to God. - Michal, destroy it!!!, shouted God at michal's face, but michal didn't listen. Instead he ran off the battlefield, and kept the Barret with him.
But the Barret has a will of it's own, and more than anything it wants to go back to his master. One day Michal was ambushed by a band of n00bs on a slope, and sadly enough they slaughtered michal, and the Barret was then forever lost. But some things should ahve not been forgotten...
History became legend, legend became myth, until one day the Barret was found again by a most unlikely person, Gayllum. He took the Barret deep into the mazes of the cheater mountain, where it letted the Barret poison his mind. - My precious... whispered Gayllum to the Barret. But one day a newb happened to be lost in the mountain, and said - What's this, a rifle?, and felt the Barret with his hands - Noo! My precious is gone!, moaned Gayllum. Quikly the newb left the mountain, with the Barret of course.
The long expected tournament
-
- Waah! Die!, shouted Dildo n00bings (the newb) holding a AK-47 to another newbs forehead. BANG! Dildo's gun did a hole to the other n00b's head. - What, i won? Damn i'm good!, said Dildo excited.
- The speech, Dildo!, shouted everyone. - Oh yes, of couse, erm, well, i'd like to thank you all for participating on this tournament, he started - Aaaand, this is the time to say goodbye as well, he stopped. Everyone looked a bit amazed. - Yes, this is my goodbye, bye, he said and disappeared (with the Barret, of course (i meant he used the Barret to disappear), ok?). Now everyone were VERY amazed.
Dildo went back home, humming excitedly. - Haha, what a trick i did at those [:-censored]s, he said to himself. - Dildo n00bings i presume, said a tall voice behind him. - G-g-gaydalf!, Dildo looked at him amazedly. - Yes, it's me, said Gaydalf. - W-would you like some tea, old friend?, Dildo said nervously. - No thank you, I came to talk about the Barret, you are going to leave it here, are you?, said Gaydalf. - Y-yes, of course!, Dildo replied,- Good, leave it to this envelope, said Gaydalf to Dildo. - W-wait, on the second thought no! It's mine besides, and you can't take it from me!...precious, my precious..., Didlo charished the Barret - Precious? There is one other that has called it that before, said Gaydalf. - Well anyway it's mine so fuk off!, Shouted Dildo angry. Suddenly Gaydalf seemed more gay than Dildo had ever seen him be - Dildo n00bings, do not take me as a user of cheap cheats, i'm not here to pwn you, i'm here to help you., Said Gaydalf. - Duh, you're right, i'm gonna go on a vacation, leave DNA games, you know, said Dildo more calmly to Gaydalf - Then it is all settled, Gaydalf said more appreciatively - Yes, well, i've packed my stuff so i'm kind of ready now,..goodbye Gaydalf, said Dildo n00bings, sobbing a bit - Dildo, the Barret is still on your back! - Ohh, yes well, um, i'll leave...it...here...unngh!, said Dildo, fighting the power of the Barret within himself. Gradyally he was able to let go, and the Barret fell to the floor - It takes alot from anyone to fight the power of this Barret, surprisingly you have managed all these years without giving in to it, said Gaydalf looking at Dildo - Well, yes...I should be leaving now, said Dildo. He opened the front door and stepped out of the gate to journey to Styxdell, the sanctuary of where DNA.styx and his veteran players dwelled. - I should tell Faggot about his father when he gets home from the tounament, said Gaydalf to himself.
The journey begins
-
- So Dildo really did it, left, i mean, said Faggot n00bing tears in his eyes - Yes, just yesterday he said that to me, you now own the house Faggot btw, said Gaydalf - Oh nice, r0xx0rz! Now I can have my house parties whenever I want!, Faggot M79 jumped around the room.
CRITICAL TURN IN THE STROY - cant sue me tolkien, suck my a$$!
- Oww, sorry i blowed your guts out, Gaydalf, want me to rub your dic.k? - No thanks...I dont have one anymore!, groaned Gaydalf - Well too bad huh, now you're gonna have to live your whole life in selibacy! [/sarcasm](tm), and Faggot (again) M79 jumped around the room. - Faggot, about the *groan*,..Barret Dildo gave you, there's something in it that interests me..., said Gaydalf. - Oh that, I used it to snipe cats just 2 AM this morning, does it bother you?, asked Faggot from Gaydalf - OMG you used it?!?, Gaydalf was shocked - Yeah, it was cool..., Faggot said - Well,...I have my doubts about that Barret,..Faggot, throw it in the fire!, Commanded Gaydalf Faggot - O.o, okay..., said Faggot and tried to stick the Barret into the fireplace - It wont fit!, Faggot said frustrated - JUST STFU AND PUT IT IN THE FIRE!, shouted Gaydalf at Faggot's face. After a deries of attempts to fot the barret into the fireplace, Faggot finally succeeds.
- What do you see Faggot?, asked Gaydalf - Nothing, it's just a Barret, said Faggot - Wait,..I see, some kind of,..writing? nah they're just cheats for 105b, but now i see something,..it's nomekind of n00bish, I cant read it, said Faggot - Let me see it, said Gaydalf - But the Barret is burning hot!, said Faggot - Dont be afraid, it's quite cool you know?, said Gaydalf - Here it goes, said Faggot reaching for the Barret, sticking his hand to the flames - Oww, it's HOT you idiot!, cried Faggot - who the fuk cares, just take it!, said Gaydalf to Faggot - OK, here it goes again, said Faggot and grabbed the Barret, pulling it out of the fire - Here, said Faggot and gave the gun to Gaydalf - Th-this is the tongue of n00bdor and i will not speak it here, but in english it goes like this; One Barret to rule them all, One Barret to find them. One Barret to pwn them all, and to n00bness binp them, which is a part of an old Soldat poem, but i cant remember it right now (I got lazy, lol), said Gaydalf to Faggot - Faggot, this is the One Barret, forged by the dark Lord n00bey in the dephts of mount n00b, said Gaydalf to Faggot in a serious tone - But what should we do?, asked Faggot - We must take the Barret to Styxdell, where the veterans shall decide what to do - OK, So i'm gonna have to go to Styxdell all by myself...Gaydalf, did you hear something, said Faggot to Gaydalf - Hear what, you blew my left ear off you know, said Gaydalf - No, there, under the window, said Faggot grabbing Gaydalfs staff - Come out whatever you are!, Shouted Faggot and grabbed someone under the window, and laid the inrtruder on the table - What? You, Someways Gayithink?, said Faggot surprised - Please Mr. Faggot dont turn me into a pink dildo please i was just cutting your grass under the window!, Someways shivered. - No, you shall be his companion on a very dangerous journey to the east, said Gaydalf from the floor - But...OK, fine with me!, said Someways.
A few minutes later
- You must travel to, God, I dun remember that name, anyway I shall await you there, said Gaydalf to Faggot and Someways. - Then we leave tonight, said Faggot - Yes, that would be advisable, agreed Gaydalf...
And so the hours passed, Gaydalf had gone ahead to Styxdell, and so did the time come for Faggot and Someways to go to the place Gaydalf didn't remember, where Gaydalf said he would wait for them.
- Say Faggot, how 'bout we'd entertain each other on the way?, asked Someways from Faggot - Fine, would you start?, asked Faggot - Ummkay, let's see...*ahem*, Oh oh oh oh I love you, I love you..., Someways began to sing - Or wait! Hey, listen to this, my daddy taught it to me a long time ago, it goes something like this; Whyyy am, I Gay (Y.M.I.G) ... , Someways began singing. - It's a song by the Newb People, you know?, said Someways to Faggot.
The morning came, and Faggot and Someways crossed a minefield. - BOOM!, they heard a loud explosion from the left. - DUCK SOMEWAYS!, Faggot sreamed - Whaat, my ears are still ringing!, shouted Someways. It was still for a moment ... It was still for an0ther moment, until - DIE! TASTE MY SOCOM YOU GAYFUKERS!, a voice shouted from behind Faggot and Someways. - Stalin and Lenin, WTF are they doing here?, said Someways to Faggot. Both looked up and saw a sign; ctf_kampf - DO NOT DISTURB!!! - Oh, it's CTF, no wonder, said Faggot to himself. - He's got the flag, get him!, Shouted a newb in a blue shirt.
(I sall torure you with my most gay LOTB series in the future too!)