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Updated again: Revenge!
Soldat Forums - Misc - The Bash Pit
Deleted User
March 4, 2005, 1:48 am
Alright, this is a bit out there, so stay with me.

I leave early for class since I need to break a twenty and get some snacks, not to mention some super glue for my mom, so I decided to drop by the local Wal-Mart and grab up the goods.

I'm pretty effecient, I get my things and get to the register in about 10 minutes. I even got a new USB gamepad for my PC. That's when disaster strikes, because my day was going too good.

I went to that speedy checkout, for the saavy who only need 10 items or less. The cashier is one of those 4-star cashiers. You know, the kind that they give those fancy tags just to make them feel better, like some childish 3rd grade retard getting a gold star. I swear this woman has never seen, nor heard of, the common-place technology called a register. This is compounded by her lack of understanding as per how a credit card works, as though God himself suddenly thrust down this technological monolith into her life and shattered her mind.

It takes me longer to get through the checkout than it did to get my goods. This is only mildly unsettling, as I left for class early, and so I can handle this setback. I prove that I am indeed, 18, since you appearantly have to be of that age to buy glue these days. Of course, the saleswoman looks at me like as though I am Satan himself for buying glue, but I shrug off her stink-eye and step out of Wal-Mart.

At this point, I am glad to be free of that controlled environment. However, my respite is brief as I am greeted by my sister who is under the seemingly wide-spread curse of eternal PMS, and her boyfriend, who knows more about how to smoke weed then hygiene.

"What are you doing at Wal-Mart?", she asks me, as though this Wal-Mart is some sort of meeting-place where only the cream of society can toss their money away.
"Purchasing some snacks.", I replied without stopping. Our conversation was at an end.

I made good to remember where I had parked. I have poor short-term memory, so I often have to repeat things to myself in order to dedicate them to my mind. However, when I reached the spot where I parked, my car was gone, replaced by the car my sister's boyfriend drives. I remembered then that she has keys to my car.

So I look. I look for my car for about 15 minutes. It's not in the aisle it was, or the next. It's raining outside, I'm soaked, and I'm carrying sensitive electronic equipment in my arms, when I finally find my car.

At the very end of the lot, farthest corner away from the exit I took to get into the store.

I go to class, and tear through my work in such a ferocity that what normally takes about 4 hours, I finish in 1, so I get to go home early today. I discover that my parking spot in front of the apartment complex is taken up by that same damn car, so I park in the visitor's section and step inside.

I find out that my sister and her scraggly boyfriend are at home, and I inform my mom about their damn joke. Of course, she evades punishment by claiming that it was funny and it was all in good jest, and that she wouldn't get angry if I pulled a prank on her, but I don't stand idly by and let my honor be insulted. No sir.

My plea to all of you is simple: I have the day off from class tomorrow, and my sister is away for the day. I need ideas for revenge. She has no car, but she has plenty of the amenities in her room; TV, phone, etc. and I am willing to hear anything that is within my capabilities (sorry, murder is out of the question).

To give you a better understanding of what she's done to me (and gotten away with) in the past:* She's shorted out my keyboard by pouring water over the keys.
* She busted two holes into my bedroom door.
* She's stolen money, CD's (blank and burnt/bought).
* She's wrecked my car. Twice.
* She's stabbed me several times, the most prominent being the occasion where she gouged my arm with a pen.
Revenge is what I want, good fellows. Give me your ideas.

Update: Earlier this morning I proceeded with FliesLikeABrick's idea and flipped her television, night stand, dresser, etc. upside-down. Now remember, she said she wouldn't get angry if I pulled a prank on her, well..

She gets home at about 2:50, and the first thing I hear is, "Why is all my stuff upside-down?", and about two minutes later, (mind you we live in an apartment complex, an environment where you should be peaceful and at least moderately quiet) she's throwing her TV down to the ground, she smashes a snowglobe and vase (that I didn't even touch) onto it, threatens me and my stuff, and takes off out the door and away with my car.

Update 2: Now her and her boyfriend are over, cleaning up the mess she made. Mom had me throw the TV away, since it had whatever liquid they stick in snowglobes all inside it after her temper tantrum (polyeurithane or however its spelled). I think they're trying to fix it. All I hear is her throwing stuff about and the occaisonal [IMAGE]y comment to her boyfriend.

My car is safely returned, I believe. She will no longer be driving it, I am sure. I think this has proven that she has an anger problem to my mom, and that my sister seriously needs some help. I've known this for a long time now, but I guess this is just now sinking in with my mom.

I wouldn't doubt it if she tried to retaliate somehow, sometime in the future, so keep those ideas coming, guys. I'll keep them here as a list of things to do, should I need to return her favors.

I'll keep you guys updated as events happen.

Vijchtidoodah
March 4, 2005, 1:54 am
Murder?

Here's a classic that me and my friends used to pull on each other, though more of a prank than a joke:
Get a few of your friends to come over while everyone else in the house is out, then take your sister's entire room and place it in your back yard (if you have one) or, even better, the roof. Make sure that everything is exactly in the same position that it was when it was in her room. Then, take some pictures of your work, and plan on being away for a while (but not so far away that you can't come back to look through your bedroom window to make sure that she doesn't try the same thing on your room).

Alternatively, you can fill her entire room with styrofoam cups each filled to the brim so that, while you won't have to spill any water getting it into the cups, she'll have to suck it out with straws if she plans on keeping her floor dry.

_Mancer_
March 4, 2005, 2:22 am
2 words. Stink Bomb. Muaha.

Gotta love em. Cant get rid of the smell for a week. I suggest you load up on stink bombs and plant them under her bed or something and try to time them so they break a little before she comes home.

Break them, and run. Get home and take a shower to cover the evidence.

Me and my friends actually did this to this kid we hate who trys to insult us with his 'gangsta' buddys at my school every day. We went to his house since his mother thinks were his friends, we come in and pretend to try to be friends with him. My friend chris has the stink bombs and he walks up to his room to use the 'bathroom' when hes actually going to break the stink bombs under his bed and leave. Yeah..he did it and we got out of there as fast as we can and he didnt come to school the next day and the following day, we overheard him [IMAGE]ing to his friends about it.

Bwaha. Funny stuff.

Vijchtidoodah
March 4, 2005, 2:33 am
But what if they live in the same house?

Deleted User
March 4, 2005, 2:57 am
To clarify this, yes, we do live in the same house.

Vijchtidoodah
March 4, 2005, 3:09 am
Go into her bathroom and find her tampons (the unopened ones!). Then, either soak them in the sink and throw them on the cieling and walls of her rooms (watch how they stick!) or you can get some reddish paint on them and lay them around her room (especially fun if she's about to come home with her boyfriend on a weekend).

BTW, why does she have keys to your car?

FliesLikeABrick
March 4, 2005, 3:18 am
either put everything in her room on the floor, or turn EVERYTHING in her room upside down

personally I would say turn everything upside down, and i do mean everything... turn the dresser upside down, then put everything back on top (of the bottom) of the dresser, also upside down etc etc... everything

Milkman Dan
March 4, 2005, 3:24 am
stab a knife in the side of her throat, pull outwards cutting her wind pipe, cut up the body into small pieces and put the hand and head in a bag, leave the rest in a bathtub full of lime to dissolve the body then put the torso into a plastic bin liner and wrap up in chains and throw in a river somewhere


OR

Put her head into a vice grip and slowly tighten it until her skull cracks open till she is in hella lots of pain and then leave her there

OR

kidnap her, sell her to me and then i'll sacrifice her.

OR

if you dont like killing or anything, then just take a dump on her floor

Deleted User
March 4, 2005, 3:26 am
She has keys to my car because she wrecked hers to the point where it was gotten rid of, so we wouldn't have to deal with that any more.

These are wonderful ideas guys, keep them coming.

BManx2000
March 4, 2005, 3:35 am
I think the wisest course of action would be to do something subtle and/or insidious, so as to try not to get in trouble/dodge the blame. Also, the effects should be longer-lasting than simple room redecoration. Here's my ideas:

-Damage the cords to any electronic devices, making sure the damage is as unobtrusive as possible.
-Scratch some CDs.
-Make some small holes or other damage that could plausibly have happened during the day but gone unnoticed.
-Steal back some money in small amounts, slowly but surely gaining it back.
-Procure the keys to your car she has (not so much revenge, but do it anyway to prevent future abuses).

Make sure not to do this all at once or you will certainly arouse suspicions. I'd say do only one thing per day, or less for damaging the cords. This way it will last longer, too.

Michal
March 4, 2005, 3:48 am
ok, this is something a bit less extreme you may want to try...
Get some food, like cheese or fish, and other stuff that smells bad when it rots, then hide it everywhere you possibly can without it being in plain sight. Like stick it in the holes of her phone, or in the tube which blinds are adjusted with. Try unscrewing devices like an alarm clock or radio and put stuff in. Hide something in the top of her drawer, every time she opens it she will be greeted with a blast of smell. Just remember, be really subtle, eventually the smells will drive her insane :)

Also, try tampering with her "beauty" products...
Put some foul liquid (viniger, oil, etc.) in her shampoo/conditioner, I'm sure her boyfriend will enjoy the unique smells...
I think this would really get on her nerves, if done right it will never be traced back to you.

Lt. Sneezy
March 4, 2005, 3:59 am
Laxative. Get some powder crap, pour it in her drink, alot of it, and watch her [IMAGE] herself silly.

peemonkey
March 4, 2005, 5:09 am
if her bed is wooden, saw the legs 4/5th of the way, so when they get intimate, [IMAGE] goes crashing down.
fire is always fun, but remember, it's easy to get arrested for felony arson.
if she has a PC, well. yer lapis ;) you'll think of something
do something to split them up. fake emails from a secret lvoer are always nice.
if they use condoms, get a needle.....nevermind, that's too [IMAGE]ed up. (also the reason i have a 2 year old neice)
cut 2 out of every 3 strands on bra's and panties (only if yer a sick [IMAGE] though, but ive done it to someone who doesnt mind what i do to her, and it was quite funny)

just depends on how low you're willing to go. razor blade to the tires of that car is a MUST, even if you dont wanna be an asshole. it has to be done.
good luck

Milkman Dan
March 4, 2005, 5:55 am
sell her underwear on ebay

Captain Ben
March 4, 2005, 6:09 am
i always liked filling condoms with yogurt, then stuffing them under pillows, in drawers, in cd cases, anywhere!
also, consider stuffing a fish under her bed. i would recommend carp.
and if you're really hardcore about revenge, next time she leaves for a long holiday or whatever,
hose her room down, turn all fans and air conditioners on and chuck grass seeds all over the room.

Vijchtidoodah
March 4, 2005, 6:17 am
quote:Originally posted by peemonkey
if they use condoms, get a needle.....nevermind, that's too [IMAGE]ed up. (also the reason i have a 2 year old neice)


WTF?

DeMonIc
March 4, 2005, 1:15 pm
Glue her stuff down on the surface they are located on. Glue everything. Also buy an extra bottle of drink you have at home (what she drinks), and replace it's contents with vinegar. When she's not looking, replace the original bottle with the prank bottle. After she freaks out, and goes to the shop, replace them again. She'll be confused as hell.

If she watches her wait, try to mess around with your weight measurer device, until it will show +10 Kilos of the current wait if someone stands on it. (if you have that old kind of measurer, you can do this by placing a different number lid on the original one)

LazehBoi
March 4, 2005, 2:16 pm
As disgusting as it sounds; Pubic lice.

Or maybe even some LIVE SPIDERS in her room. Big ones, on the walls.
You could even get some animal crap and rub it in to her dark clothes.

FliesLikeABrick
March 4, 2005, 2:29 pm
quote:Originally posted by peemonkeyjust depends on how low you're willing to go. razor blade to the tires of that car is a MUST, even if you dont wanna be an asshole. it has to be done.
good luck


she doesn't have a car, uses his when she needs to

mmeaney
March 4, 2005, 2:57 pm
You guys are nuts!

papasurf31
March 4, 2005, 3:36 pm
PLace pictures of a random guy EVERYWHERE in here room, especially right after her boyfriend comes over. if possible, make him someone her bf knows, lik an enemy. make a fricking shrine if time allows. Most guys are to retarded/stoned to realize it's a trick.

n00bface
March 4, 2005, 4:08 pm
cover her room in sticky notes.

LazehBoi
March 4, 2005, 4:13 pm
I expected more from you, n00bface.

Milkman Dan
March 4, 2005, 10:19 pm
WHOA psycho, get a locksmith to get you into her car or get it towed and then go do stuff with it lololol

Jaz
March 4, 2005, 10:34 pm
Squirt her perfume out and swap it with smelly fluids. take what means most to her, her faveourite thing in the whole world, could be a teddy bear or anything.something she would deffinetly notice, then dig a hole in your garden or some park. put it beside a tree or something so you remember where it is. Next, make a ransom note for money, or her car keys or the bear gets it. If you get what you want then you can ask for more till eventually you give her the "bear" back.

BManx2000
March 4, 2005, 10:53 pm
quote:Originally posted by Lapis_Lazuliand takes off out the door and away with my car.
THIS is why I said "procure the keys to your car". Didn't you even read my post?

Captain Ben
March 5, 2005, 1:04 am
get prawns... or shrimp, whatever they're called in your country, and stick them in her bed, under the covers.