Lately I've been thinking a lot about, life. I've been observing my old relatives, friends, poor people. What's the point in life? If your whole world is just gunna be screwed up, what's the point in living? I figure I'm going to kill myself when I'm 60+. I mean, after that, I don't wanna be old. I don't wanna crap myself, lose my parents, my friends, my whole... life. Right now I'm just depressed I guess. I can't ever make up my mind on things, living basically. I don't know, I guess I'm writing to knowone.

People I've seen in the world, less fortunate, I just... feel awful. Like, why couldn't they have a home, a family that loves them, money? Why does this retarded, "God" ruin the whole world? If God wants us to believe in him, why dosn't he... send a message? This is something that is hard to explain, like I don't understand.

I feel like I am the only person who thinks these things. I think this is why I'm always so quiet. When you guys see me all energetic in-game, that is nothing like me. I don't know, like the world is odd. I don't understand this.

Sometimes, when I stay home from school, I usually fake being sick. All I do is think all day. I lay down in my bed, and think about things. I don't know why, but do other kids/adults do this? Just randomly think about what tomorrow will be like. My Mom always says she's a bad parent because she's, "raising me wrong." My father is some whackjob in my opinion. All he cares about is his Wife, my hair, my clothes, and his motorcycle. I know he loves me, and I love him too, but he dosn't make an effort. I admit, I do not make an effort either. But still, he dosn't try and blend in with the things I like.

Kinda odd. I don't understand this world. People kill other people, things die. I just hate people. Kids at school, adults at work, all over the Earth. Recently, I saw a fight at our school. The fight was so bad, a child, 14, had to go to the hospital. Aparently, 6 gang members from the Bloods attacked a kid for looking at them funny. Makes you think. Are people this retarded? So, the 6 thugs jumped this single kid, nocked him to the ground, and all basically tortured him. All 6 of the thugs ran by the time the cops showed up, but when the fat pigs got there, the kid was having a seizure (not sure how to spell it). I heard a rumor that the kid that was jumped, wasn't going to live. I'm not sure about it, but what the hell. Only 14 years old, and he's already gong to die?

I feel most people have no feelings. When kids at my school call me faggot, or an idiot. I don't care. I can be what I want to be, they can't change who I am. When people say I wear too much black, I don't care. I can control myself, but others can't. That's why, if you ever meet me in real life, I'm always friendly. I couldn't care less if all my friends were dorks, or mentally challenged. You see, life has many wonders, and you only live a short while. Might as well somehow enjoy it.

When I first started playing Soldat, I was an attention person. All I wanted to do was be recognized, and known for skills and things. That's a big reason why I have so many posts. If I hadn't spammed these forums, and actually had a good time, and realize what I was doing, I'd be a lot better off. This explains why I can never stay in a clan more then a month or two. It's really odd. I mean, I've changed now, I plan on staying in .Dfa for a long, long time.

I've realized a lot about my life, and what's right and wrong. And a few movies have tought me a lot about the world. Like that Che Guevara movie I saw. It explains a lot of his findings and things, it gave me a lot to think about. What life is truly like.

This is the first time I've ever typed non-sense like this. I think it feels good. Oh well, comment me, do whatever. I don't really care. Just take some time, and think about everything. Your life, the world, people, etc.

:/

quote: Why does this retarded, "God" ruin the whole world? If God wants us to believe in him, why dosn't he... send a message? This is something that is hard to explain, like I don't understand.
:/


I believe that an old german proverb tells it the best, "God gives us the nut, it's up to us to crack it."

I think everything in your post is 100% true.
Yes,I lay in bed and think about the world,friends,family,my relationship..my future,and I make myself belief that I give a [IMAGE] about anything,but really,I couldn't care less if I died today.Everyone says I shouldn't think that,and that they'd cry,but I know if I died today,nobody would cry,nobody would care,nothing would change.
The world is a matrix,everything is fake.

This is the kind of sh!t that starts the sorta crap that happened in Columbine. Don't take it to the extreme s4r.

What happens S4R is, that this stuff is so obvious and so 'right there' in your face that you have no choice but to either Ignore it or make it a problem in your life. And since people don't need any more problems, they ignore it.

I suggest you do the same, or start an animal shelter, or something.

Yes, I end up thinking about a lot of these things. However, in the end I have no choice but to put it all behind me for the moment, because honestly, how can you get answers to questions like this? How can you find ways to express advanced thoughts like this, etc. After all the thinking I do, it ends up being too much trouble or out of reach. I guess it just isn't a priority to me to tend to my needs when in the back of my mind I know that tending to them is useless and almost a waste of time. I admire your courage. I can tell you that most people think about this kind of stuff, but they don't express their thoughts in the outside world.

I wrote this topic to get a reply that will somewhat, "save me." Thanks Mancer, I think. All I'm trying to do is understand the world, but I know the world is impossible. I guess I think too much, I'm not normal. ;0

[Edit]
Thanks too Kazuki.

Basically what kaz said is a more thought out version of what I said :O

i think life sometimes is an opstical illusion. i dont understand stuff and why things are the way they are. beliefs in the creation of the world and everything else may be true or something else. religion is a cruch for people to help them live life without worry. since so many things are said to tell us to live a good life and do right, then what is right and what is wrong. is killing someone right or wrong, its just a state of not living or inactive body functioning. things tend to be the way they are because you were born into this world. i believe in life being some sort of being that doesnt make since and yet i have found the answer. being yourself is always a good thing or is it? if everyone was the same, would it matter since there was no point of life? people live to live. life is probably the most comlicated thing people will never figure out in truth. does anyone ever wonder why we look into the sky? does life really have a meaning? if i killed myself would there still be life? or would everything that i see, feel, hear, smell all disappear into nothingness. living life is up to fate i believe. if people are less fortune then fate chose that to happen to them. you cant control how something turns out or goes, fate chooses it all. if you had the choice to stop someone from killing themselves and you didnt, then fate chose them to die and you not to act. there is no choice to save them cuz you didnt. fate controls eveything i think.

i dont think about life being crap and whatnot, because it's all kinda funny, and i have one of those positive-no-matter-what outlooks on life, though kinda twisted :D

I think about life too..not too much, but when i do, its deep. Like, i think why are we put here on earth by god. There is no obvious answer out there. It seems to me, in a weird way, that our whole life is built up to go to school, about 1/4 our life..for what? to get a job..a good one, that will carry us through about 2/4 our life..the rest..youre just "there"

then drop out if school aint your thing. you can still live a great, fun life without it, or a job :)

S4R, i feel the exact same thing.
i mean, something deep down inside me tells me there is no god...
but if there isnt a god... why?
then there are other times when i think about my future so much, i forget im in the present.
im not sure if we're *similar* in our *believes* but whatever, people have different ideas.
it makes you think...
is live really real? or is it an imagination of something non-existant?
in reply to kazuki's post:
" they don't express their thoughts in the outside world."
thats just like me, the real me would never try to pick a fight.
but when im on the internet... its like all my fear is gone...

S4R, i can really identify with your ways of thinking man. my advice, watch the movie "Fight Club". The movie made me feel better, because it shows a guy whos become totally bored with life. everything is the same to him, and hes slowly going insane because of the repetition. it shows him dealing with it, and it presents a picture of a man who knows how screwed up the world is, yet hes just grown to accept it and it also shows him learning to finally break free of the drudgery. everytime i hate the world i watch the movie and it makes me feel better. you should try it.

Haha, the plight of a thinker, eh Skate? Your price for understanding the world a bit better than your peers is a melancholic disposition that will haunt you for the rest of your life. The only cure: sharing your feelings with others. But in order to do that, you have to listen and learn from their point of view, which, in turn, makes your understanding of life that much more depressing.

You've already made the choice not to be a blithering idiot like the rest of our species, and you'll eventually come to terms with what that means.

In the mean time, I suggest you don't try to run before you can walk; it's obvious that you need to figure out how you work before you try to understand why the world runs the way it does.

Do something fun and excisting, but dont hurt yourself. You can die later, live now.

I don't believe that ignoring the drudgeries of life is the best way to go about it.

Many people on this Earth have horrible lives, and I consider myself lucky to be where I am today. I've lived through a lot of turmoil in my life and there are times when ending it all seemed like the best choice. However, over time I began to learn that in order for me to truely enjoy the high points of my life, the "peak", so to speak, is to first experience the valleys. Can you honestly say that you had a good day if you've never had one worse than it before? It is this same train of thought that carries me along each day.

I also take the time when my life is dim to learn and experience new things. There is a broad range of emotions, and I love exploring each of them as thoroughly as I can. When times are dark, sure, I feel gloomy and I'm depressed. But that doesn't stop me from learning from my situation and finding ways to avoid it, should it ever happen again.

Life is ever a lesson in logic and reason, Skate4Razors. Remember that no matter how dark life may seem, it will only make your brightest days even brighter.

if there is a god, he certainly doesnt like me.
i've been really wanting to go to an old site i havent been to for a while.
turns out i need "xtra" to go there.
so he decides to screw my head into a well grinded powder by making it impossible to find...

Just coming back from Papua New Guinea not even 2 hours ago, I usually realise how lucky I am.
PNG is a 3rd World country and I've lived there from when I was 7, moving back to Australia when I was 10, and I still regularly go to PNG every 3 months, for a minimum of 10 days.
I really realised how lucky I was when I was at the closest thing they had to a mall, buying imitation Rolex and Seiko watches, when I saw a man with worn out shoes on his hands.
He didn't have any legs and was walking around on his hands.
Also, I'm pretty sure everyone wants to be recognized. Sometimes I think that if I were to die tomorrow, would people remember me in 20 years? 30? Maybe even 40?
Like Lapis said, you need bad days to set your good days apart.
But in my opinion, no one needs to live up to anyone's expectations, only their own.
And you'd be way better off, if you didn't believe in God at all. Look how lucky the Pope got.

Please, PLEASE read the Bible.

It has all the answers you need.

quote:Originally posted by Mr McSkaary

I believe that an old german proverb tells it the best, "God gives us the nut, it's up to us to crack it."


I never heard of that proverb.
And I don't think that so-called 'god' can help us. He doesn't even exist.

You are not alone in your thoughts S4R, I myself have been pondering the questions of life for almost three years now. "What's the point?", "Is there any meaning?", "Who started it all?". Those kind of questions can really drive a man to madness.

I believe it's best not to think about such things, but I myself am unable to follow my own advice. Every second of every day I think about Death, and whether or not there is an Existence afterwards. It scares me sometimes though, just to think that they're might not be an afterlife.

"First it will all go dark. Then you will stop thinking. Then the universe will dissolve." -Death

Oblivion terrifies me more than anything, just because it's so beyond the scope of our minds to imagine not being to think...at all..Life is a wretched experience at times, but what if it truly is all that we have? What if Life is our only chance to experience..anything? Almost every night I stay up till three and stare at the ceiling, thinking about Death. I can't even bare to look at the elderly, because then I can't stop thinking about how someday I might be that old.

Sometimes it's so bad that I can't even visit my grandma because of hard it is to consider that Time will eventually consume us all. Death is with us all, The Shadow of Life, if you will. I tell myself to just accept the facts and move on, but sometimes it's impossible.

It's horrible that the only way to solve these questions would be to die. It's [IMAGE]ing terrible..Rather than Die, I choose to mosy on with my Life. Hopefully things will be alright when it all ends, but who knows? There isn't really too many options.

If there's on thing I can say that will help, this is it. "You can work all your life and spend all your money, and then gain it all back. But you can't waste away your time, because no one ever gets that back. Live Life while you can, there won't be another chance."

It seems death has consumed most of you already.

I actually thought about whats on the outside of the universe before. :I

I thought it was an empty white plane.

And I also thought that everything, all existance is smaller than an atom, And were just part of an even BIGGER universe.

For all I know, we could be part of some giant aliens hotdog.

quote:Originally posted by Famine It seems death has consumed most of you already.

"The shrouded eye of the Shadow unveils all that lie before it. The decrepit hand of the Shadow shall eviscerate the essence of all that lie before it. The gaping maw of the Shadow encompasses all that lie before it. The depraved heart of the Shadow obliterates all that life before it."

You guys helped me a lot thanks, I'm just confused and depressed over not much at all. I've seen a lot of movies that have changed my life, and made me think different about this world. I recommend for everyone to see The Motorcycle Diaries, Fight Club (AA I have seen it :D), and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. These 3 movies have changed my life after watching them. Watch The Motocycle Diaries though, god I love that movie.

The Motocycle Diaries, this features a young Che Guevara as he travels the world, before his revolution. He goes all around South America, with a friend, Granado. They both travel around, mostly broke, with some beat up bike they call, "The Mighty One." After a while, they sell the bike, and walk. They both meet people on the way that are very poor, and are searching for jobs. People without homes, that were kicked of their land, people who have to leave their children with relatives to find a job that'll pay them. Che and Granado finally go to a leprocy (not sure how to spell) colony, and sort of, help out there. I love this movie, and really enjoyed how it was made. Oh, it is in spanish, and their are subtitles, but eh, great movie.

quote:I feel most people have no feelings. When kids at my school call me faggot, or an idiot. I don't care. I can be what I want to be, they can't change who I am. When people say I wear too much black, I don't care. I can control myself, but others can't. That's why, if you ever meet me in real life, I'm always friendly.
quote:Sometimes, when I stay home from school, I usually fake being sick. All I do is think all day. I lay down in my bed, and think about things. I don't know why, but do other kids/adults do this? Just randomly think about what tomorrow will be like.
You are EXACLTY same as me. Honestly.

lighten up. if you get depressed, go for a walk and talk to some homeless fools and your outlook will go up. just not the drugged out ones, the really cool old hippie ones.
im looking out my window, and i just saw my neighbor get out of the house with a woman who aint his wife. this makes me happy because im going to tell his wife, and things will get resolved. look on the bright side of life :P

quote:Originally posted by Alamo
I never heard of that proverb.
And I don't think that so-called 'god' can help us. He doesn't even exist.


Dont be so closed minded. obviusly we have all had tough times in our lives, some maybe more then others, but if you have ever had faith and lost it over somthing 'bad' that happend to you, then you never had true faith,
i belive in god with all of my heart, with everything of my being, and i doubt that there is any man on earth as happy as i am.

S4R, i would really like to talk with you on MSN or somthing, it seems that you have the same mind set that i had, before i started to take God for real.

You can't save everyone in the world, but if you make an effort to make the world around you that much better than you're making a difference. Here's what I'd recommend: Find a national park or open space area in the middle of nature and go backpacking. Even if you go dayhiking, walk out into the middle of nowhere and get away from all the people, trouble, and chaos for a while. Think your thoughts and clear your head, enjoy the clean air, the lack of people and your solitude. It won't solve all your problems but it can help you affirm your own sense of self. At least it did for me.

You sound like a smart guy so I won't feed ya any lines. Well, maybe one, because I heard it from a teacher and I particularly like it. "The eyes will see what the mind is ready to comprehend"...something to that effect. It looks like you've figured out that there are a lot of stupid people out there, as well that you have enough mental fortitude to draw a distinction between yourself and the others. Your life will be what you make it, so make it the best you can. Get a little "me" time away from it all and you might feel a little better (and I'm not trying to trivialize your problem by saying that).

Wow lol, this topic is like a pit of Emo's.

Hahaha, I crack myself up...or maybe it's cause it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm studying...only time I can get some damn peace and quiet. Zzzz..

Aaanyways, without the intention of being a bad influence, try Ecstasy, seriously, I think you would like it, and by the sounds of it (Gangs in your school, etc) I'm sure you could find somebody who could get a hold of it for you. Plus, seeing as you're already planning to kill yourself, there's no harm in trying (As long as you know what you're doing there's no danger)

Ecstasy makes you feel emotionally closer to people, but not in a negative 'Omg, I'm thinking about the world and the people, boo hoo' kind of way. It makes you feel great, it allows you to better express your feelings, which is what you might need. I just take it for the [IMAGE]in' fun of it whilst raving, but hey, E was used in Psychotherapy and it might help you. Just don't go over the top.

live hard, die hard \,,/

live easy, die when it's needed, but not before then. dfa is lucky to have a guy like you skateeee.......

do u get out much?

Movies are great, but life is stranger than fiction. So along a similar line to hitman... (not the ecstacy) maybe try going to gig's, raves, wateva your into. Music can have a similar influence...

I wouldnt get to "emo" thinking about life or you'll realise you have missed your 1!!!!! chance at living.

I think everyone goes thro good and bad times. The best thing to do when your feeling low is to definately contemplate why you feel that way, but then say "[IMAGE] this" and get back into it :)

Plenty of time when your old to think. GL son.

S4R, you are still in school, this kind of stuff does get shoved in your face and strange topics often do pop up in ur mind (for me it does, eg. why the fuk do people trade pieces of metal, plastic or paper for valuable items such as food and your needs? Is life just a long dream, a figment of your imagination? yet it is powerful enough to create such events as what is happening around you such as natural disasters?). You will find that when you grow up, life will get better and people will change. All the important and popluar students at school might just become a low profile ordinary, average citizen. You shall be happy when you meet them again and know that you have prospered, living a comfortable life. You have everything to live for my friend ...

i only started to think of life when i watched that movie the green mile, that was when i was like 8 or something.

quote:Originally posted by peemonkey
im looking out my window, and i just saw my neighbor get out of the house with a woman who aint his wife. this makes me happy because im going to tell his wife, and things will get resolved. look on the bright side of life :P


LOLZOLZ

yea.. that was the most...spechial thing I have yet seen on the forums.
Truly words from the heart.. too bad I cant stay in .dfa (time difference) :(

when im sad or dont have much self esteem at the moment I think to myself how unimportant my life is and it doesnt really matter what i do cos what someone thinks dont mean [IMAGE]. I dunno, strange ;d. how did the world start etc is so much bigger than whats happening with me. Im insignificant... ;z

thinking this helps at the moment when your down but.....you will always go back down at some point

i used to think allot about life and death, like what is there after life, who is god and does he really excist? how would it feel to be dead, are we all humans cauze sometimes it feels like some of us a like aliens or some sort of zombies or something like that, why do we exist, is there life on another planet,...
most of those questions i just ignore now, xept' the one's about death and darker evil things, those are the things that keep me alive

fscking emo's.

quote:Why does this retarded, "God" ruin the whole world? If God wants us to believe in him, why dosn't he... send a message? This is something that is hard to explain, like I don't understand.

There once was a man in a place that was known to have floods, the water started rising, a man in a boat came to the man house and told him the water is rising and to get in the boat, the man in the house told him he was just gonna wait on God to save him. Later the water was higher, the man was now trapped on the 2nd floor of his house, the same man in the boat came and told him to get in again, again the man replied he was going to wait on God to save him. Even later the man was finally stuck on the roof, a helicopter came and a man int he helicopter told the man on his roof to get in, the man said he was going to wait for God to save him. Well the man died and when he met God in heaven he ask,"Why didnn't you save me?" so God simply replied,"Didn't you see the 2 boats and the helicopter?" The meaning of this story is simple, ever though that message could have been 911, or the 2 world wars, or the smallpox in early america, or even the black death in europe?

quote:Originally posted by Happy Camperquote:Originally posted by Alamo
I never heard of that proverb.
And I don't think that so-called 'god' can help us. He doesn't even exist.


Dont be so closed minded. obviusly we have all had tough times in our lives, some maybe more then others, but if you have ever had faith and lost it over somthing 'bad' that happend to you, then you never had true faith,
i belive in god with all of my heart, with everything of my being, and i doubt that there is any man on earth as happy as i am.

S4R, i would really like to talk with you on MSN or somthing, it seems that you have the same mind set that i had, before i started to take God for real.



Wow, there are more Christians on these forums than I thought.
=D

I just might be as happy as you.(i'm a Christian)
:1


It's great to know I can just pray to my Father, and He will answer me.

/me cough been here long befroe you MAXX.....

Neat story =D

I think about these things alot too, and I think it's very important to. A friend of mine once said, "always ask why? Why am I doing this? Why am I going to school? Why am I buying this or that? Because if you don't ask, what's the point of living?" And I agree. I have the feeling that eventually I'll figure it all out, and that's what keeps me going. Judging from what you said, there's a ton of movies and books I think you might like, such as the movies Waking Life, Donnie Darko and American Beauty for starters. As for books, try A Brave New World (my favorite), Zen And the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence, The Picture of Dorian Grey, and A Clockwork Orange. I'd love to hear what you think of them if you find the time to check any of those out.

S4R, Read.

wait how do we know god exists, how do you know that the people back then just made up everything just to control people

This is why I love Christianity, you don't have to be worried about dying, because it will be much better than the life I've got right now.

And as for how do we know God exists, there is no absolute proof of course, except for a personal faith. As the saying goes, isn't it better to believe and find out it wasn't true, than to not believe and find out it was true?

quote:Originally posted by HitmanS4R, Read.


Don't [IMAGE]ing post those kind of links here!

You use it. Fine. But don't try to convince kids into using it.
Leave your drug habbits the [IMAGE] out of your posts.

...Seriously.. No one wants to hear about it.

Boo, hoo. Go cry to mummy.

It's a free country(s).

you all get it easy... I have problems way worse then yours...
life is but a dream... death is...

S4R, it is something that happens since the dawn of day, see greek philosophers before 600 a.c. You'll notice you'll often identify with some of them.
It happens to most (intelligent) people at a certain age when they start to think for real. It's perfectly normal :)
A lot just don't talk about it. Eventually you will look at this post in a few years and realize how much your way of thinking changed. If you keep inputing info in your mind, it will continue to evolve; being depressed because you don't understand something in the world (or any other unanswerable problem) is not rare; it will pass with time. Especially if you start reading philosophy books regarding the topics you (and everybody) are uncertain about - they won't give you the solution (if they pretend they do, don't read them), but each will give you a key or hypothesis that you can use to interprete the problem and open up new ways of thinking. You might fall into depression again, but it's something that happens often. Just don't keep thinking that same way the whole life if you are depressed. It's no use and it will ruin your life.

About drugs. Drugs are the easy way to get around this problem and many others. Don't do it or when you have some SERIOUS problems, they'll look even worse to you. Thing is, drugs don't make you happy for your whole life (not to mention they come with risks, but i find the moral problem more pressing). Taking drugs ISN'T cool. Taking drugs is like losing in life. It means there's no other way for you to keep up with it and have fun. It means you're desperate.
This is not a personal insult Hitman, i just despise their use.

quote:Originally posted by HitmanBoo, hoo. Go cry to mummy.

It's a free country(s).


But it's still illegal to pressure people into using it and it's also illegal to discuss where to find it.

I agree with Meandor. I'm not some crazed anti-drug zealot, but I find ecstacy to be fairly unsavory. By the way, isn't it a bit of a party drug? Even if we neglected the bad health and social effects of drug use, how would a party drug help someone who's struggling with confusion over the world? It seems to me like it would just make you forget your problems for an evening.

Some people can die from taking MDMA. I personally will never use drugs in my life, unless im sick or sumthing (use panadol)

To quote numerous sources: "If faith would be easy, everyone would believe". People who come up with the "Why doesn't He send a sign?"-argument should be slapped.
Faith is the way of separating the weak from the faithful - you [IMAGE] and moan about how tough your life is, when in fact, there are enormous amounts of people who don't even have a TENTH of what you have, yet they have more faith, and are happier than you would ever be. Why not quote Twelve Tribes on this one: "If I could have it all, it wouldn't be enough".

Lets not make this a religious arguement, it'll never end.

It was aching for a religious argument with the first post.

quote:Originally posted by wormdundeeThis is why I love Christianity, you don't have to be worried about dying, because it will be much better than the life I've got right now.

And as for how do we know God exists, there is no absolute proof of course, except for a personal faith. As the saying goes, isn't it better to believe and find out it wasn't true, than to not believe and find out it was true?
thats retarded, a personal belief isn't something you can change by just deciding to believe. im an atheist, if you want me to believe, you have to prove to me that theres a god, you have to make my mind accept it. my mind doesnt accept it, be it because im too stupid or too intelligent. therefore i am unable to believe it.

quote:Originally posted by HitmanS4R, Read.


Didn't you point out the "Sad Effects of Drug Use" a few days ago? (and I just realised on IRC you said that X makes your penis shrink too)

No, I pointed out the 'Sad Effects of Drugs Abuse'. Note the fact that the person in question abused hardcore drugs such as Cocaine.

You're taking the penis shrinkage out of context. I said X makes your penis temporarily shrink while you're on it. Afterwards it goes back to normal :P

drugssuxdontdoit

drugs can mess you up like a crazy man and the cops

[code]<@Melba> ( H|tman|Away ) Hehe, yes Pienne, X does make your penis shrink
<@Melba> so does alcohol
<@Amblin> so does Hitman[/code]

aerial, I was not forcing my views, I'm stating my opinion and what I believe. Maybe you mistakenly took that "you" in there as directed specifically toward someone. It was a general "you".

I've decided that God exists, nothing amazing happened to prove this to me. Therefore I changed my belief by just deciding to believe.