Captain Ben's Ramblings of Stupidity and Other.
This is the thoughts and thinks and trinky-dinks of my life and other.
I like things that stick! *hint hint*
May 29, 2005
After coming back from the Annual Anja's Burn Stuff Day, I retired into my beautiful blue couch to play a video game full of mind-numbing gore, but before I could switch the channel to AV, what should come onto the screen, but a school advertisement!
My school's advertisement.
Now may I just say, MY SCHOOL IS FULL OF CRAP. Anyway, spreading a grin across my face, I sat back to enjoy the hypocrisy.
After showing happy grade-eighters in immaculate uniforms, the principal said, "Here at St (SECRET)'s College, we don't treat your children like kids, we treat them like the people of the future."
I must say, they were rather convincing, but let me show a slightly exaggerated comic of my first day.
Yes, I know the comic's small, I'm not an expert for chrissakes!
[IMAGE]
(Exaggerated because my principal has no glasses.)
May 29, 2005 (later today)
I was playing Soldat (no surprise there :P), when I suddenly thought of something that I've never seen qestioned...
Why do Soldat players have such retarded names?
Besides all of the usuals (parhamoud, Metoukoun, etc), where do people thinks up such stupidity? I mean, how many people do you see daily named 'Blade' or 'Angel of ...'? Surely, using a name of a famous fictional character can be dumb in some situations (Terminator, Predator, Raptor), but sometimes a single smart individual might just discover a goldmine (Hercule Poirot :P)!
Though, I must admit, I've never seen a 'Paul Osborn' or a 'Michael Bird'...
Plenty of 'Harry Potters', though.
May 30, 2005.
I think I'll state the obvious:
Why Cashews are better than Peanuts
Everyone knows that peanuts are gay. They kill more people every year than sharks and bees combined. But cashews, the best species of nut in the world! They don't kill people. Hell, I know people who would kill for cashews!
So lets compare peanuts to cashews!
Taste
Peanuts
Let me tell you a well known fact. Peanuts taste boring. How does 'boring' taste? Find your school's Doom 3 and Everquest champion, then lick his back. Try to avoid the tattoos stating things like "Wanna see my wookie?" and you have boring.
Cashews
A cashew's taste is hard to explain, but it borders on orgasmic. If I had a choice over sex and cashews, I'd kill my girlfriend/prostitute and then eat my cashews. Deliciously salty, yet with a reservoir of manliness intact.
Shape
Peanuts
A bloated american football with a layer of crustiness.
Cashews
An original shape! a boomerang with a swollen behind, just there because more is better!
Social Factor
Peanuts
Unless you want friends, you'll never leave your house with peanuts.
Taking that into consideration.
NEVER BUY PEANUTS FROM THE SHOPS. -=EVER=-
Cashews
No one would want to be my friend if I never wore my lucky cashew necklace. Cashews have a vibe. A positive vibe. A vibe, that when mixed with my vibe, creates an uber vibe which makes both male and female want to engage in sweaty, insatiable sex with me.
Winning results Results
(Percentage ratio)
Peanuts 21.332% Cashews 78.668%
And there you have it! Now unless you're mentally retarded, like a guy named Pahramoud, you'd go out right now and get some cashews!
May 31, 2005
After feasting on a delicious Dominoe's pizza, covered with ham, pineapple and cheese, I thought up a question that could change the way we think forever.
WHY ARE ONLY PIZZAS DELIVERED?
Is it because they can fit under doors easily? Because they can be easily thrown from moving vehicles? Do they pay homage to UFOs?
I consulted my Italian neighbor, who gave me a brief history.
But alas, m00's uploader saved my ass!http://m00.laughingllamas.com/fileupload/store/Copy%20of%20reloadable%20knife!.bmp
(Be sure to wait a while for it to load)
June 1, 2005
I hate the Flu.
For the past five days, I've been plagued by the virus, infecting all of my friends around me and unleashing a fury of hatred and profanities on my enemies.
But hey, whenever an orals due, my 'Influenza plays up' but other than that I've been taking a few days off school.
What? If you're unhappy with my entry today, call someone who cares.
June 1, 2005 (Same day, later)
To make up for my crappy entry, I'll show you an important revolutionary piece of Spiderman memorbilia (probably spelt wrong :P):
[IMAGE]
The Spiderman Phone! Comes complete with Malaysian accent!
If you'd like to see an example, be sure to check it out, courtesy of m00's file uploader!
It's QuickTime...
And it's still loading. I'll put it on once it loads.
And it turns out m00's uploader doesn't accept .mov. Can any one tell me about a filehosting website that does? For free?
June 3, 2005
After my first post, the 'Schools treat kids like adults', only today was this rule enforced. Because the Seniors were having exams, we Juniors had to sit on the ground, outside in rainy weather.
Gay.
Not only that, but an Emo kid tried to slice me with a spork, when I delivered my friend's cooking to the fridge.
I'll post more as it comes!
June 5, 2005
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"So ... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat."
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
June 6, 2005
Nothing new to report, but I think I'll post a digital camera surprise tomorrow...
June 10, 2005
I'm really sorry about the promise I made for a digital camera surprise, but seeing as a Blasterworm destroyed all of my work, I'll simply tell you:
Me + 3m ledge + almost soft ground = pain and laughter.
Lately, the last two days have been two of my worst, minus the hardcore computer dilemma. Four people broke into my locker and stole my 'Emergencies Only' envelope, opening it and dispersing its contents all over the school. When I got angry and more or less roughed up the fat one, the other three came and gang bashed me. And kicked in my locker door. I've also been kicked down a two metre ravine, into mud and beaten up by a rowdy 16 year old repeatee. Then to make matters worse, after riding to work, some arse thought it would be funny to take the chain of my bike, resulting in me covered in oil and grease, riding home at eight 'o' clock with a jumpy bike, with three meat trays under my arm.
Pistol or Knife?
This is the thoughts and thinks and trinky-dinks of my life and other.
I like things that stick! *hint hint*
May 29, 2005
After coming back from the Annual Anja's Burn Stuff Day, I retired into my beautiful blue couch to play a video game full of mind-numbing gore, but before I could switch the channel to AV, what should come onto the screen, but a school advertisement!
My school's advertisement.
Now may I just say, MY SCHOOL IS FULL OF CRAP. Anyway, spreading a grin across my face, I sat back to enjoy the hypocrisy.
After showing happy grade-eighters in immaculate uniforms, the principal said, "Here at St (SECRET)'s College, we don't treat your children like kids, we treat them like the people of the future."
I must say, they were rather convincing, but let me show a slightly exaggerated comic of my first day.
Yes, I know the comic's small, I'm not an expert for chrissakes!
[IMAGE]
(Exaggerated because my principal has no glasses.)
May 29, 2005 (later today)
I was playing Soldat (no surprise there :P), when I suddenly thought of something that I've never seen qestioned...
Why do Soldat players have such retarded names?
Besides all of the usuals (parhamoud, Metoukoun, etc), where do people thinks up such stupidity? I mean, how many people do you see daily named 'Blade' or 'Angel of ...'? Surely, using a name of a famous fictional character can be dumb in some situations (Terminator, Predator, Raptor), but sometimes a single smart individual might just discover a goldmine (Hercule Poirot :P)!
Though, I must admit, I've never seen a 'Paul Osborn' or a 'Michael Bird'...
Plenty of 'Harry Potters', though.
May 30, 2005.
I think I'll state the obvious:
Why Cashews are better than Peanuts
Everyone knows that peanuts are gay. They kill more people every year than sharks and bees combined. But cashews, the best species of nut in the world! They don't kill people. Hell, I know people who would kill for cashews!
So lets compare peanuts to cashews!
Taste
Peanuts
Let me tell you a well known fact. Peanuts taste boring. How does 'boring' taste? Find your school's Doom 3 and Everquest champion, then lick his back. Try to avoid the tattoos stating things like "Wanna see my wookie?" and you have boring.
Cashews
A cashew's taste is hard to explain, but it borders on orgasmic. If I had a choice over sex and cashews, I'd kill my girlfriend/prostitute and then eat my cashews. Deliciously salty, yet with a reservoir of manliness intact.
Shape
Peanuts
A bloated american football with a layer of crustiness.
Cashews
An original shape! a boomerang with a swollen behind, just there because more is better!
Social Factor
Peanuts
Unless you want friends, you'll never leave your house with peanuts.
Taking that into consideration.
NEVER BUY PEANUTS FROM THE SHOPS. -=EVER=-
Cashews
No one would want to be my friend if I never wore my lucky cashew necklace. Cashews have a vibe. A positive vibe. A vibe, that when mixed with my vibe, creates an uber vibe which makes both male and female want to engage in sweaty, insatiable sex with me.
Winning results Results
(Percentage ratio)
Peanuts 21.332% Cashews 78.668%
And there you have it! Now unless you're mentally retarded, like a guy named Pahramoud, you'd go out right now and get some cashews!
May 31, 2005
After feasting on a delicious Dominoe's pizza, covered with ham, pineapple and cheese, I thought up a question that could change the way we think forever.
WHY ARE ONLY PIZZAS DELIVERED?
Is it because they can fit under doors easily? Because they can be easily thrown from moving vehicles? Do they pay homage to UFOs?
I consulted my Italian neighbor, who gave me a brief history.
But alas, m00's uploader saved my ass!http://m00.laughingllamas.com/fileupload/store/Copy%20of%20reloadable%20knife!.bmp
(Be sure to wait a while for it to load)
June 1, 2005
I hate the Flu.
For the past five days, I've been plagued by the virus, infecting all of my friends around me and unleashing a fury of hatred and profanities on my enemies.
But hey, whenever an orals due, my 'Influenza plays up' but other than that I've been taking a few days off school.
What? If you're unhappy with my entry today, call someone who cares.
June 1, 2005 (Same day, later)
To make up for my crappy entry, I'll show you an important revolutionary piece of Spiderman memorbilia (probably spelt wrong :P):
[IMAGE]
The Spiderman Phone! Comes complete with Malaysian accent!
If you'd like to see an example, be sure to check it out, courtesy of m00's file uploader!
It's QuickTime...
And it's still loading. I'll put it on once it loads.
And it turns out m00's uploader doesn't accept .mov. Can any one tell me about a filehosting website that does? For free?
June 3, 2005
After my first post, the 'Schools treat kids like adults', only today was this rule enforced. Because the Seniors were having exams, we Juniors had to sit on the ground, outside in rainy weather.
Gay.
Not only that, but an Emo kid tried to slice me with a spork, when I delivered my friend's cooking to the fridge.
I'll post more as it comes!
June 5, 2005
THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"So ... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat."
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."
June 6, 2005
Nothing new to report, but I think I'll post a digital camera surprise tomorrow...
June 10, 2005
I'm really sorry about the promise I made for a digital camera surprise, but seeing as a Blasterworm destroyed all of my work, I'll simply tell you:
Me + 3m ledge + almost soft ground = pain and laughter.
Lately, the last two days have been two of my worst, minus the hardcore computer dilemma. Four people broke into my locker and stole my 'Emergencies Only' envelope, opening it and dispersing its contents all over the school. When I got angry and more or less roughed up the fat one, the other three came and gang bashed me. And kicked in my locker door. I've also been kicked down a two metre ravine, into mud and beaten up by a rowdy 16 year old repeatee. Then to make matters worse, after riding to work, some arse thought it would be funny to take the chain of my bike, resulting in me covered in oil and grease, riding home at eight 'o' clock with a jumpy bike, with three meat trays under my arm.
Pistol or Knife?
![[IMAGE]](http://forumspile.com/Thread-Crap-Sherlock.gif){kind=link}