Right then, here I am again, one of my first posts in months.

I recently saw the wonderful film Koyaanisqatsi, and ever since I have really began to question my life (not that I didn?t before but more so for these last few weeks).
The film basically shows western society and how people have become its slaves; you can see how most people go about their lives in big cities. You get the feeling you?re looking at a big ant farm when you see the sped-up images of traffic intersections at night. Not a word is spoken during this film/documentary, instead these images are accompanied by a both mesmerizing and haunting score by Philip Glass. It?s really something you should see (and hear) for yourself.
Some might consider this movie boring, and I know this might sound very pretentious, but I can only hope those people will someday understand its message.

So anyway, after watching the movie (I was alone, and it was around 3 AM) I sat back and was still overwhelmed by it. I literally stared at the black screen for another 15 minutes. The next day I showed it to my best friend and afterwards we started talking about our lives and what we really hope to achieve, etc.
My best friend spent last year in Ghana, and I basically sat home half a year after a wrong choice in what to study (would have been better if I would have gone with him). So we both had a lot of time to think.

I now study something that interests me, but like before, I still have no clue what I?m going to do with my degree. Sometimes I really get scared about the future. Do I really want a stereotypical family and a nine to five job? I don?t think I?m cut out for that. My friend feels the same, he has a really hard time to bring up the motivation to study for his exams. He often speaks about his time in Ghana and how he would just like to return there and stay there. Forever. He realises that it might come across really easy just to run away from it all. But just because you were born here doesn?t imply you have to live your life according to western standards, does it? There are so many ways of living your life, I think many people don?t see this or see other cultures as subpar to their own.

I could go on much longer, but I think I would lose more and more readers every line I add, I don?t like to read long posts either. Just ask if you don?t understand me that well.



I know this might be the wrong place to post this, and I might get reactions like ?omg lol f4g?, but I just want to start a useful topic, see other people?s reactions. And I guess writing my thoughts down has some sort of therapeutic effect on me.

Koyaanisqatsi, affected me in much the same way, but not as drastically. While it helped me to question my life, that really took a seat behind my fascination of the utter beauty that the pictures and moments displayed. I don't think any movie, piece of art, or media of any kind has ever made me feel that way.

However, I wouldn't ever consider giving up studying. I've been through that "I just want to live a simple, happy life without the worries of a job" thing and, in the end, decided that as long as I felt that my job was important, exciting, and unique, I would be happy. That's not to say that I wouldn't be equally happy living in Ghana (One of my friends was an English teacher there for a while -- amazing culture, he says), but I'm going to stick with what I know for now and explore later.

Anyway, welcome back. I really appreciate having people around who actually use their brain.

 Quote:Originally posted by Vijchtidoodah

However, I wouldn't ever consider giving up studying. I've been through that "I just want to live a simple, happy life without the worries of a job" thing and, in the end, decided that as long as I felt that my job was important, exciting, and unique, I would be happy.



I really don't feel it's some phase I'm going through. I've always fealt like an outsider, not at ease among others. I know it's normal to have these kinds of thoughts, but everyone else around me has a goal in life, know what they want to do later on in their life. Sometimes I just picture myself living in another country. It's not so much that I don't want to work or evade my responsibilities, I just feel so detached from what other people feel as important in their lives. And not just people my age.

is bruce willis starring?

Oh, I don't think it's a phase; I was referring to a time when that kind of thinking dominated my life for a while. I still feel the same way, I just keep those feelings separate from everything else I do.

Like you, I've always felt like I was sitting on the outside, looking in. In fact, that's where I'm most comfortable -- it's not something that I really want to change. I just happen to be content with what comes my way. Who cares if other people value money, material, their reputation, or permanence? I've got my own priorities (god knows what they are) and, like you, these things make me unique (paradox, I know). You don't need goals...goals are for people who lack any imagination or spontaneity.

The only thing keeping me from moving to Ghana, though, is my damn consideration towards other people. Once my family distances themselves from me, I'm off to explore. But if that's what you want to do right now, I'd tell you to go for it. Hell, I'd go with you...if it weren't for other things that I'm currently chained to. I would, however, recommend finishing school so that you always have a backup if things don't work out.

Meh, I probably completely missed what you were trying to say, but that doesn't really bother me.

No you are pretty much accurate. I too have to consider other people (like my parents, even though I'm 21 already). They have these high expectations of me, especially since the money for my studies is theirs. I don't even dare to start talking about leaving "this world" all behind.

But I'm not planning on giving up school. I'm smart enough to understand the importance of a diploma.

Sup JB

Ahhh the tail ends of youth and the inevitible string of thoughts that lead to thinking "what now" when the paths of life finally open up like fork-roads upon fork-roads..... the struggles as a child out the way, education coming to or at an end, and the prospect of a career to fill every aching moment of your life dawns ahead.


Is this what I want from life?


Scary, ain't it.

Funny how controlling your "benefactors" can be when you don't have a steady income of your own. Heh, my parents always used to say that they had college funds for my siblings and a bail fund for me. So they don't really have very high expectations that I need to satisfy.

I thought you were my age Chakra`, you sound like an old man looking back on his life :)
So what's your answer to your last question?

I know this isnt what you want to hear in this post, however welcome back.

i'm only a year and a bit older, but I did the whole progression-into-adulthood a little prematurely and possibly more difficultly. Not intended as a boast, but it's a long story cut short.

(ooh look at me, i'm a big hard man.)


My answer? You can't hide from the truth - the reality of the world being you're usually forced to contribute to it in order to survive comfortably - yet you can't abandon dreams and hopes either. The problem being for most, and perhaps you my little chum-bum, is that you may have none.

So ya wanna go to Ghana. Nice choice... had a friend who went there. Came back a little more spiritually aware, before getting back into the grind of life, then 2 weeks later it was if nothing changed. You feel as though you should 'see' and witness more of the world around you, get away from the normality and take a trek somewhere wild different and exciting. Escapism? who knows...

...but you also know deep down inside is the everlasting question, "then what? can't tour Ghana all my life."

Conclusion? we all have dreams and hopes, even if we don't realise just what exactly they are.
Sometimes the dream is to have a dream. They take time though, and money.

So what do most people in similar shoes do? Whether they plan it or not, they get a job, settle in for a bit, all the while looking for or reaching towards their personal goals and dreams. Theres no rush. And thats what you should or will end up doing guv.

Not Ghana specifically, any other country outside of the modern world would do I guess. A life like Colonel Kurtz would be great :)
Seriously though, I know a lot of people have thoughts like these, but I really do think I give it more thought.

Thanks for your reply though, wise words, I'll keep them in mind.

Thanks for all the replies so far (minus that one retard (useless comment, and not even funny, I really don't see why some people stay here so long if they have nothing to contribute)).

I use to, atleast I think, be like you.

Not the same though. I always never could picture a future for me. I really had no intentions for the future and didn't know what I wanted from it. While I never had thoughts about leaving modern world, I just couldn't picture myself as a something of the "status quo". I didn't think that I was something special, but I just really had no idea where and what life I would want. While I still don't have a concrete goal and plan, I have a basic plan.

While I don't think that we are even remotely alike, I think I know a bit how you feel. Instead of looking out of this modern world, now I want to explore all of its richness. I don't feel that we are trapped in modern society, we just don't appreciate it enough.

Hey JayBee :)

A Jew's two cents: For the past 3 years (ninth till eleventh grade) I was haunted by a feeling just like this. I felt I cannot live and function healthily as a person (not from that ultraliberal "Western-culture-is-poison" point of view, but a personal perspective) because I, too, have always felt like a whale in a sea of dolphins. For three years I tried to imagine myself living a life in a classical western fashion and setting - having a well-paying job, a suburb house, and a family or a spouse, but I couldn't see myself being happy in this picture. Today, nothing has changed - I think of my future and I see a blank space. I think of my future in a world without civilization and I begin to see myself (though just barely). But what occured this year was quite monumental, as I took a more practical approach to it: This could be simply passion that would wear out. I could go to a rural area and try to live there, but might just as well find myself unadjusted and have "this isn't as I thought it would be" run constantly through my head. I figured that if I do discipline myself to bear (too harsh an expression, I'm not dying or anything) life here and work up my grades to go to a good college and find myself a reliable career from which I can base myself, I'll at least have the money to try things out, and if I dislike my phantasy then I can always come back and land on my feet.

But this is all theoretical. Here's some truth: no matter where we are, there is no such thing as an ideal life. Even if I go to wherever I want to go, or settle down in a city, I am aware that I won't have the ideal middle class life because I'm simply not cut out for it. I can learn to find happiness, however, if only I let it come. In other words, I am to stop being a perfectionist and accept the fact that life comes at us imperfectly, and that while ideals serve as examples to strive for and judge by, compromises are necessary for day-to-day well being.

hi dogfather!

I think everything in life is just really something to do. Gotta have something to do, no? Then people start to take themselves way too seriously and need to find something else to do.

I really want to see this movie now :(

Until then, welcome back. Lounge needs more topics like this.

Ever since I've been back to Australia, I've just sat there and been thinking, "Is this what I really want?" I haven't found an answer yet :/

[CENSORED]ing hell...
I just wrote a long post about how I didn't know what to do now, and that I don't know what to do with my life; and then i closed the page with a sensitive mouse gesture.
Well I guess that was an ok summary..
Btw, hi Jaybee :)

I always have these ideas when I'm home for a few days and don't have anything to do. Let's hope it all goes away again monday, when I have classes again. Back in the routine of everyday life. I guess peemonkey has a point, but sometimes it just seems all so pointless to me.

I really don't need much in life, I lead a very sober life already (despite the fact I live in a nice house with a housekeeper ;)). I could do very well without my creature comforts, the things I couldn't miss are books, movies and music. There's so much I still want to read, see and hear. I read an interesting forum post on audioscrobbler a few weeks ago: http://www.last.fm/group/Introverted%2BLonely%2Band%2BOver-Sensitive/forum/13159/_/36403
And yes, I am a member of that group called "Introverted Lonely and Over-Sensitive", not because I'm lonely in the literal meaning of the world, I don't consider myself as an outcast. I know quite a number of people, unfortunately I only consider one of those people as a real friend. The rest of them are nice to talk during breaks or whatever, but those contacts remain, in my eyes, so superficial, no matter how long I know them.

Maybe I set too high a standard, I don't know. But when those people start talking to me about something I really don't care about (for example what party they plan on going to friday night), I can't help but feel different.


Oh and if you plan on seeing Koyaanisqatsi, don't try to get all too excited about it, even though I (and many others) praise it. Don't watch it with too high expectations, it might not impress you all that much. I sometimes experience some cognitive dissonance too when I watch a hyped film.

 Quote:I know quite a number of people, unfortunately I only consider one of those people as a real friend. The rest of them are nice to talk during breaks or whatever, but those contacts remain, in my eyes, so superficial, no matter how long I know them.

Maybe I set too high a standard, I don't know. But when those people start talking to me about something I really don't care about (for example what party they plan on going to friday night), I can't help but feel different.

I know exactly how you feel. I always feel like people don't look around enough. They are more concerned with where the next drink will come from then anything else. I just can't imagine not caring about all the amazing things that life offers. I can really sympathize with you and always wonder if there is someone who I can really connect with deeper then general chit-chat. Good Luck finding what you are looking for.

I'm bound to go through this sometime soon in my future. Right now I feel as if I Overanylize many things and I find myself drawing another question out of the simplest actions during the day. I'm very confused about my future and have no idea where I'll be in another year or two. I feel as if things for me will never change and I will always be stuck asking the same questions and never getting an answer. Or having a problem and never have the drive to solve it. Who knows what age will bring though.
The movie sounds very life changing in a way.

Honestly I wouldn't sweat it. Most of life's expectations are irrelevant social conventions created by a foolish race of overgrown primates that we are all unfortunate enough to be a part of. Life's possibilities are nearly endless, but they come and go so carpe diem. If it's not too academic for you, (and if you haven't already read it) I might suggest you read "Self Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson, its absolutely exellent.

This is of course all youthful exhuberance from a 16 year old to a 21 year old, and I'm sure that by the time I'm your age I'll be more confused than you can fathom.

That book looks really interesting Jello, I looked into it and I think you can read some of it here: http://www.emersoncentral.com/selfreliance.htm

Is that the whole text? I'd rather order it, because I don't like to read from a screen. Maybe I'll put it on my list to order from Amazon. Thanks for the recommendation.

I think that is the full text there. I'm sure you could find that essay and others in some sort of compilation or something. If you like Emerson, you might want to check out some other Trancendentalists like Henry David Thoreau or Walt Whitman. Although I personally find Emerson to be the best out of the three, as Thoreau is deadly boring and Whitman is more of a poet and I have no appreciation for poetry.