Hilarious.
Okay, here's the skinny. My class was required to do a speech about certain issues in the world, as well as write an essay about 'em. My friend, Wesley, chose the topic Chernobyl. Here is his full essay (in quote):
Quote:Hello, class, today I would like you to meet a very special friend of mine. His name is Chernobyl the Chipmunk. I believe you should be sensitive to his needs although they are manifold. Chernobyl the Chipmunk and I, along with the help of his brother Jeremy the Gerbil, famed inventor of the Potsmokemon card game, are campaigning for increased cleaup efforts of the Chernobyl site. I believe the Chernobyl site should be cleaned up as it is damaging our ecosystem, wildlife, children, and overweight Mongolian governors.
The Chernobyl site must be cleaned up as it is a danger to society. Just look what it did to my poor Chipmunk friend here! It is also mutating our children, suchh as defenseless little Yeva with the grotesuely enlarged right cheekbone. Some people have spent their entire lives investigating the Chernobyl incident but have still not found a conclusive reason as to why it blew up. I will tell you now a fundamental truth of humanity. During the 1930's in the midst of the Great Depression, there was an incident known as the Hobo Rebellion. Most of you are not familiar with this incident as it came close to overthrowing the government, and knowledge of it has been suppressed in recent years. In 1937 thousands of undernourished and ill equipped bums stormed the capital building in their reeking multitudes. The insurgents succeeded in capturing the President, the senate, and the cabinet, and while waiting for their demand of 2,000 Big Mac's as ransom to go through, they proceeded to devour the President's daughter for sustenance. After the rebels had seized the capitol the Penguin King, Kleftovers, had boarded his personal jet and was en route to take control of the situation, which he had engineered for his own goals, his plane was shot down by a group of starving Bangladeshi children. The situation then degenerated into chaos until peacekeeping forces were able to regain control.
I believe other nations such as Lichtenstein and Andorra should aid the cleanup efforts, after all, we cannot simply lie back and let these industrial powerhouses grow unchecked. Even Ukraine itself has forgotten about Chernobyl and no one is left to take care of the irradiated children except for Chernobyl the Chipmunk and other forest fauna. I'm sure that no one in this room needs to be reminded of the story of unfortunate Vladamir, the irradiated chlid whose kneecap grew to the size of a Volva, and who later had to be put down for the good of humanity.
While you are all familiar with the story of Chernobyl the Chipmunk (hairless squirrel whose left armpit gave birth to his twin brother Ralph), you may not be quite so aware of Jeremy the Gerbil's past. Jeremy the Gerbil is an example of Soviet bio-engineering gone horribly, horribly wrong. As a young mountain goat Jeremy always dreamed of meeting Dumpy the Medical Wase Man. To further his goal in life he enlisted for prescription drug testing and eventually became what he is today, a ravening insatiable monster we know as Buttons.
In conclusion, I support Chernobyl the Chipmunk, who in turn supports the cleanup of the Chernobyl site. The main idea of this paper is to prove that I can BS my way through a project and still receive a passing grade on it. I fear I must leave you now, but I will leave you with this thought to ponder, rarely is the question asked, "Is our children learning yet?" Apparently they are not Mr. Bush.
He got a 55 out of a 100.
Okay, here's the skinny. My class was required to do a speech about certain issues in the world, as well as write an essay about 'em. My friend, Wesley, chose the topic Chernobyl. Here is his full essay (in quote):
Quote:Hello, class, today I would like you to meet a very special friend of mine. His name is Chernobyl the Chipmunk. I believe you should be sensitive to his needs although they are manifold. Chernobyl the Chipmunk and I, along with the help of his brother Jeremy the Gerbil, famed inventor of the Potsmokemon card game, are campaigning for increased cleaup efforts of the Chernobyl site. I believe the Chernobyl site should be cleaned up as it is damaging our ecosystem, wildlife, children, and overweight Mongolian governors.
The Chernobyl site must be cleaned up as it is a danger to society. Just look what it did to my poor Chipmunk friend here! It is also mutating our children, suchh as defenseless little Yeva with the grotesuely enlarged right cheekbone. Some people have spent their entire lives investigating the Chernobyl incident but have still not found a conclusive reason as to why it blew up. I will tell you now a fundamental truth of humanity. During the 1930's in the midst of the Great Depression, there was an incident known as the Hobo Rebellion. Most of you are not familiar with this incident as it came close to overthrowing the government, and knowledge of it has been suppressed in recent years. In 1937 thousands of undernourished and ill equipped bums stormed the capital building in their reeking multitudes. The insurgents succeeded in capturing the President, the senate, and the cabinet, and while waiting for their demand of 2,000 Big Mac's as ransom to go through, they proceeded to devour the President's daughter for sustenance. After the rebels had seized the capitol the Penguin King, Kleftovers, had boarded his personal jet and was en route to take control of the situation, which he had engineered for his own goals, his plane was shot down by a group of starving Bangladeshi children. The situation then degenerated into chaos until peacekeeping forces were able to regain control.
I believe other nations such as Lichtenstein and Andorra should aid the cleanup efforts, after all, we cannot simply lie back and let these industrial powerhouses grow unchecked. Even Ukraine itself has forgotten about Chernobyl and no one is left to take care of the irradiated children except for Chernobyl the Chipmunk and other forest fauna. I'm sure that no one in this room needs to be reminded of the story of unfortunate Vladamir, the irradiated chlid whose kneecap grew to the size of a Volva, and who later had to be put down for the good of humanity.
While you are all familiar with the story of Chernobyl the Chipmunk (hairless squirrel whose left armpit gave birth to his twin brother Ralph), you may not be quite so aware of Jeremy the Gerbil's past. Jeremy the Gerbil is an example of Soviet bio-engineering gone horribly, horribly wrong. As a young mountain goat Jeremy always dreamed of meeting Dumpy the Medical Wase Man. To further his goal in life he enlisted for prescription drug testing and eventually became what he is today, a ravening insatiable monster we know as Buttons.
In conclusion, I support Chernobyl the Chipmunk, who in turn supports the cleanup of the Chernobyl site. The main idea of this paper is to prove that I can BS my way through a project and still receive a passing grade on it. I fear I must leave you now, but I will leave you with this thought to ponder, rarely is the question asked, "Is our children learning yet?" Apparently they are not Mr. Bush.
He got a 55 out of a 100.