i've just recieved the news that my father died.
our relationship wasn't the best relationship a father and son could have. don't get me wrong, he never beat me up or anything, we just didnt get along very well.
so anyway, am i such a terrible person for not feeling so sad, nor crying about it?
am i horrible for saying "dude it's ok" for so many people that say "i'm sorry"?

this isn't a thread to make people say "i'm sorry your father died bla bla", not at all. i'm only asking if it happened to any of you, that someone that was close to you have passed away and you didn't feel all bad about it.
i wanna know if i'm really a jerk or is it normal not to go emotional over a dead father.

well other people in your family may see you as a jerk for not getting emo over your father,..i mean..its not normal i guess..i mean i would get pretty sad if my dad died :0

Maybe it just needs time to settle in? I've had the same thing with grandparents but a father is a bit different.

I think I'd have the same reaction. It's not normal but I don't see anything wrong with it.

I went through somethin like that when my friend died. He was drunk and high, and drove into a pole and killed himself. I didn't feel as bad as I thought I should, since I was mad at how stupid he was.
Maybe you just haven't "realized" it happened yet like Dan said.
Either way, you're not a bad person, people mourn in different ways.

 Quote:Originally posted by thekingkittywell other people in your family may see you as a jerk for not getting emo over your father,..i mean..its not normal i guess..i mean i would get pretty sad if my dad died :0


me too :'(

Yeah both my grandafathers died and it didn't hit me till about halfway through the funeral, so maybe you just need some time to let it all sink in.

I was in that situation twice, when close relatives died. I didn't feel bad about it and I still don't ... I asked myself the same question. I haven't come to an answer yet.

Doesn't mean you're bad... it just means, like you said, that you weren't that close. The implications of that are for yourself to consider.

It could be that you weren't that close, but I agree with Dan here. It takes time for it to take its toll. My cousin died one night and I didn't really feel terrible about it until a week or so. I was never through a crying uncontrollably stage or anything, but it was just shocking a depressing after a while.

Well you 'were' a bad guy back in 1.1.4 for being a sodding barretard. But you're ok now.


As for fathers? well they can be strange people sometimes. I can't work out what makes my father tick, and never could quite understand or relate to him on anything. Talking to him is more about sharing a difficult silence.

You ain't a bad person guv. You'd be questionably bad if you maybe laughed instead of cried, but otherwise I don't think you're carrying any sins for not feeling anything. Let yourself go from the burden of doubt.

Your situation reminds me of the movie Garden State.

You don't seem like a bad person, and a situation like this doesn't make you a bad person either.

 Quote:Originally posted by ?Yeah both my grandafathers died and it didn't hit me till about halfway through the funeral, so maybe you just need some time to let it all sink in.

That's what happened with my grandmother, except I had to be making a speech at that time...

I wouldn't say you are a bad person, although others may. It could just be that you don't feel set about it yet, although I am no psychologist.

People react differently to various catastrophies. How you react is what makes you you, and no one can claim to know better. If you're pushing things away, it might just be your way of handeling things. I had this "friend" once. We always used to smoke alot of dope together, and get really wasted on poppers. HE started doing harder drugs like LX, and we kinda stopped talking. A year ago, or so, after not seing him for a couple of years I heard he died.
It kinda scared me, you know. Someone you used to really hang out with. At first I was kinda mad how he could be so stupid, but now I realise that he actually helped me stop. It's ben some time since I smoked, and I never smoke more than one joint at most - for a whole month that is.

My point is, you might not nescessarely remember him for dying, but for him living. Even though you guys weren't getting along very well, I bet you still shared something. And because you guys were so apart, those special moments could be saved really deep inside somewhere. Hold on to them, man.
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel. If your feelings don't belong to you, what does?
Thanks, E.T

i wouldent classify you as a bad person.. why should you care for someone who doesn't care for you? well, im assuming that anyway i really dont know what your relationship was like.. but if my "mum" was to pass away, i wouldent give a [CENSORED]..

Superkill, 4 years ago my sister died. And she was a pretty handicap person.

When i recieved the news. I realized that, why am i not crying? It was because I had never gotten to know her. Or really got to hang out with her. But that didn't make me a bad brother. And you shouldnt feel bad. You were his son, and I think he wouldn't have been any more proud of that.

Lots of emo crap here...
I guess it makes sense now knowing where is all your sarcasam coming from..
I guess most bitter and sarcastic ppl would be emotionly numb in places the majority would be emotional.
It doesnt make you a bad person, your father died not someone else's.

I remember when my father died, there are points when all of your friends surround you, in my case I was sad, I did express it but in those times with my friends around me, we actually managed to laugh a bit bringing up memories, and when ppl came to pay their respects I was laughing with my friends and I was feeling bad for it, as if I owe them something.

I didn't , I don't, YOU don't... in the week of the "Shivaa" I played the soundtrack of rocky loud in my house.. I didn't give a shiat.. Its my father who died, I'll deal with it the best I see fit.

If you don't feel like crying, don't. the only ones you should care about are the rest of your family, maybe for them you should "act" a little bit sad.. just to not hurt their feelings.. I dunno, I would anyways..

But seriously, if you don't feel sad its a negative result of your relationship.. I wouldn't be surprised if this will come up in the future.. bad relationship with your dead father can mess u up when you least expect it...

Relationships don't always go well. If they do, then you may have something to reflect on and regret...if they don't, then those reasons to regret may be few and far between. You're not a bad person for feeling as you do - I havn't experienced it, but I've had a few friends go through the same thing. I knew them, and I knew their kin...could see why they wouldn't feel bad over the loss. But you're your own person, and it's up to you to stand on your own two legs and walk as you see fit. I don't really know you at all, but from what I've read you don't seem like a bad guy. Certainly not for a lack of grief for someone with whom you weren't on the best of terms with.

Guess I'm trying to say if you have nothing to regret, why should you feel bad? I think your recognition and the reflection on the issue itself is sign enough that you're dealing with things. Only time can give you the answer you really want, not people half a world away on a message board.

Ok - You talking about your own post containing lots of emo crap, or those of the other people replying? If the latter, save that nonsense for another time. Psych 101 is down the hall.

when my grandmother died, i felt the same way, i didnt cry or anything until atleast the funeral

you arent an evil horrible person because of that, you are an evil horrible person because of all the other [CENSORED] you do.

 Quote:Originally posted by The Geologist
Ok - You talking about your own post containing lots of emo crap, or those of the other people replying? If the latter, save that nonsense for another time. Psych 101 is down the hall.


can you cut the love affair and stop giving me so much attention please?
I mean, I know I'm interesting and all, but seriously, get another idol.

That crap about not feeling anything because he didn't have a relationship, so what? you're a shrink now?
When a kid doesnt have a father it leaves a whole, that whole is MUCH more painfull when it hits you then any death can bring upon you.
You can deal with the loss of someone by using the good memories you had with him.
How you deal with the lack of those memories you see everyone else around you have?
You should know, one does not turn as bitter and petty as you are without having a crappy life...
Did a bully once hit you with a big phsyc book? is that why you're trying so hard?

Now please, go idolise someone else in your posts... try Chakra he's much more interesting than I am..

I've got a neat question though, for SK:
You said your answer to those who say "I'm sorry" is "dude its ok"
What exactly do you say in hebrew?

I'm not the one coming into a topic like this and telling someone crap like this:  Quote:I guess it makes sense now knowing where is all your sarcasam coming from..
I guess most bitter and sarcastic ppl would be emotionly numb in places the majority would be emotional.

You're not interesting, you're being a douchebag. Slipping in these passive aggressive comments about "how it makes sense why you're so sarcastic. I guess most sarcastic people would be emotionally numb"...you're the one playing shrink here, trying to make sense of his emotions.

That's just...beyond rude. The guy came in with an honest question, not be told why he's the way he is.