A short script, for a Soldat movie. Starring many popular characters. Any empty roles are designated by *blank*.
It begins with the credits. HHH has fourteen pages of his alter egos. The movie starts with:
A silhouetted view of a Soldaten using a PC terminal. The view settles over his shoulder and into the monitor, revealing the Soldat Forums.
DNA.Styx has left, leaving the forums without an admin. The unknown Soldaten cackles maniacally to himself, and begins typing furiously at the keyboard.
The view changes to a scene in some generic brazilian jungle road. There is quiet. Suddenly, a jeep roars along. This jeep is full of newbs. They uncontrollably squeal things like "Omg", "vehiclekills", and "Let me drive u n00b". Suddenly they fall into a death pit. There is a moment of silence, before the driver speaks. "lololol I think I can back it out just u watch". Just when the vehicle begins to pull free, another jeep comes by and jams the newbmobile into the pit. The new jeep soars over the pit and continues on.
Change scenes to The Geologist, doing some kind of geology to a rock. The jeep pulls up and swerves about, pulling to a stop just beside him. Out steps *blank* and *blank*. They inform the Geologist that his help is needed. He refuses, stating that his rocks are "like sex" and he must stay with "his babies". The two men whisper some name. The Geologist goes pale and leaps into the jeep. They leave. A rock sheds a tear somewhere.
The men explain to The Geologist that the Soldat Forums have been hacked. Their only lead is a popular hacking website. The three men arrive at a secret headquarters in some Contra-style base type thing. Inside is FliesLikeABrick, operating the base computer.
Flies informs them that he's discovered their hack server and it's their job to totally kick some ass there while he takes their forums down. Those three, including *blank* and *blank*, making five, join up and swamp their server with kills, distracting their [CENSORED] admin while Flies takes their server down. Success!
Chakra then arrives with some dire news; the Soldat Forums are unrecoverable, so a new site shall have to be created. Fortunately, they have the tools to make it better, faster. He laments over his missing ban hammer. In the meantime, Flies' team will crack down on the man who took the forums down. Chakra leaves.
A few days later, an attack on the Soldat Crew HQ leaves *blank* and *blank* wounded. However, a chase scene ensues and the Soldat team follows them back to their hidden base. Missing two team members, the Geologist and the others are left at a disadvantage. However, Chakra soon arrives, evening the odds somewhat. The fight stops as the Hidden Soldaten reveals himself as Chakra's evil twin brother. Gasp. Replacing one of his fallen comrades, it is now 4v5, as they battle furiously to combat the vile hacker threat.
When it all seems lost, Chakra is beaten and thrown down, the Geologist is suffering rock withdrawal, Lapis arrives with Chakra's ban hammer, and enters the fray, making it 5v5 for a grand showdown where Chakra bests his evil twin and the Soldat Forums are saved. Lapis disappears again, and the forums are a huge success.
The credits roll again, where HHH's many alter egos are still scrolling by, and some metallica or something plays.
The jeep in the death pit explodes into flames.
The end, with a scene of Geologist surrounded by many curvaceous rocks and a rocktini.
It begins with the credits. HHH has fourteen pages of his alter egos. The movie starts with:
A silhouetted view of a Soldaten using a PC terminal. The view settles over his shoulder and into the monitor, revealing the Soldat Forums.
DNA.Styx has left, leaving the forums without an admin. The unknown Soldaten cackles maniacally to himself, and begins typing furiously at the keyboard.
The view changes to a scene in some generic brazilian jungle road. There is quiet. Suddenly, a jeep roars along. This jeep is full of newbs. They uncontrollably squeal things like "Omg", "vehiclekills", and "Let me drive u n00b". Suddenly they fall into a death pit. There is a moment of silence, before the driver speaks. "lololol I think I can back it out just u watch". Just when the vehicle begins to pull free, another jeep comes by and jams the newbmobile into the pit. The new jeep soars over the pit and continues on.
Change scenes to The Geologist, doing some kind of geology to a rock. The jeep pulls up and swerves about, pulling to a stop just beside him. Out steps *blank* and *blank*. They inform the Geologist that his help is needed. He refuses, stating that his rocks are "like sex" and he must stay with "his babies". The two men whisper some name. The Geologist goes pale and leaps into the jeep. They leave. A rock sheds a tear somewhere.
The men explain to The Geologist that the Soldat Forums have been hacked. Their only lead is a popular hacking website. The three men arrive at a secret headquarters in some Contra-style base type thing. Inside is FliesLikeABrick, operating the base computer.
Flies informs them that he's discovered their hack server and it's their job to totally kick some ass there while he takes their forums down. Those three, including *blank* and *blank*, making five, join up and swamp their server with kills, distracting their [CENSORED] admin while Flies takes their server down. Success!
Chakra then arrives with some dire news; the Soldat Forums are unrecoverable, so a new site shall have to be created. Fortunately, they have the tools to make it better, faster. He laments over his missing ban hammer. In the meantime, Flies' team will crack down on the man who took the forums down. Chakra leaves.
A few days later, an attack on the Soldat Crew HQ leaves *blank* and *blank* wounded. However, a chase scene ensues and the Soldat team follows them back to their hidden base. Missing two team members, the Geologist and the others are left at a disadvantage. However, Chakra soon arrives, evening the odds somewhat. The fight stops as the Hidden Soldaten reveals himself as Chakra's evil twin brother. Gasp. Replacing one of his fallen comrades, it is now 4v5, as they battle furiously to combat the vile hacker threat.
When it all seems lost, Chakra is beaten and thrown down, the Geologist is suffering rock withdrawal, Lapis arrives with Chakra's ban hammer, and enters the fray, making it 5v5 for a grand showdown where Chakra bests his evil twin and the Soldat Forums are saved. Lapis disappears again, and the forums are a huge success.
The credits roll again, where HHH's many alter egos are still scrolling by, and some metallica or something plays.
The jeep in the death pit explodes into flames.
The end, with a scene of Geologist surrounded by many curvaceous rocks and a rocktini.